Britain’s Got Talent 2011 kicked off on April the 16th 2011 and overall the first episode was a let down. Hopefully the show will pick up as things progress. There are two changes to the judges this year with Simon Cowell and Piers Morgan being replaced with comedian Michael McIntyre and the legend that is David Hasselhoff. I was sorry to see Simon go, he’s one of the main reasons I watch the show. I have no idea why Piers was on the show to begin with so he’s no loss. As for the new judges, The Hoff is bananas but often good TV and I’m undecided on Michael McIntyre. When I’ve forced myself to watch him he’s funny but there in lies the problem. I have to force myself to watch as there’s just something thoroughly unlikeable about the man. Maybe it’s his hair? Anyway, the Hoff endeared himself to the British public by wearing a Union Jack Coat and apparently some of Amanda Holden’s scenes were reshot to edit out her pregnancy (which she sadly lost) out of the show. I’m not sure if that’s true or not. She looked the part anyway in different dresses and hair styles. Both the white and blue dresses looked stunning.
Mary Sumah-Key kicked off the Liverpool auditions and claimed to be a Royal enthusiast. This was backed up with shots of her reading a book about the Queen Mother. Thanks ITV for spelling it out for us. She seemed like a character and quickly confused Amanda Holden for Joanna Lumley which Michael played along with. Perhaps it was because of her Dallas style hairdo? Mary Sumah-Key did a silly little dance while playing the harmonica. She didn’t get through.
John Courtney came on stage dressed as an Indian/Native American and tried a few rope tricks. Three unhappy judges.
Chunky Christine Fraser came out in her housecoat and claimed to be a comedienne which was evident from her jokes. ITV tried to make the impact of her bad joke look worse that it was with some seriously dodgy editing.
I won’t waste much time on Peter Wakefield. He warbled through a rendition of Yellow Submarine which got the crowd going (it was in Liverpool after all) but didn’t impress the judges.
Off to Birmingham next and David Knight came out in a poorly fitting suit to tell a few jokes. I’ll give the guy a break, he was only 9. He had some good banter with Michael before going into his routine which was a bit too rehearsed but he got through so I’ll look forward to his next audition.
The first of the dreaded dance troupes, Joker came out dressed as…the Joker and did an average dance routine that no one liked.
Steve Stevens (superb name) seemed quite intelligent but then his act was singing I kissed a goat and liked it to the tune of Katy Perry’s mega hit. He held open a bit cardboard love heart with a goats face in the middle.
John Hampson was one of the strangest auditions of this episode. He came out painted in gold and sang Spandau Ballet’s Gold. He wasn’t that bad but when Michael buzzed him off, he stood up and stomped off the stage in a strop. John Hampson ignored Ant and Dec’s requests for an interview and disappeared.
Donelda Guy followed that with a dog routine using her pets Mega and Biba (or was it Bieber?). It was quite impressive and she got through. She claimed that she can’t train her husband this well and he’s her only failure.
Bruce Sistaz were two sisters who do martial arts. I wonder how they came up with the name? They did some chops and kicks which looked like a dance routine and got through.
Dance troupe montage. I hate it. Thankfully ITV didn’t dwell on it but naturally 90% of them get through.
Marawa wore a leopard skin leotard and did some tricks with hula hoops. Boring but she got through.
Then about 10 million kids came on stage for Freeman Dance, did their routine and got through to the next round.
Blair Christie might just be the worst act I have ever seen on BGT. He seemed like a bright guy, works as a financial analyst so I can only assume this whole thing was a joke. He talked up his talent at the start and then came out on stage painted in blue. He then stuck a balloon to his head and held up cardboard waves next to head while making screeching noises. While the audience and judges waited for the act to start, he stared out of them and said “That’s it, I’m a dolphin”. Three buzzers went off.
UFO were terrible and not out of this world.
Bums did some Morris dancing and didn’t get through.
Tongue and Cheek were a boy and girl dance act. The guy was clearly gay and so Michael asked if they were boyfriend and girlfriend. That seemed to be the act anyway. Jump around the stage acting really camp. It was awful.
Steven Hall got through but I fear he’s a one trick pony. He came across as really stuffy and dull wearing his suit and tie. Then he started doing some crazy dances to mixed music such as Michael Jackson and Britney Spears. He got through.
We moved on to Cardiff with Antonio ‘Popeye’ Francis who’s routine was to make his eyes pop out to music. I’m not kidding that was it. He also looked a bit like the fat cop from Die Hard.
Nu Era were three kids kind of shouting/rapping/singing hell I don’t know. They got through.
Goldstar Galaxy were yet another dance troupe cheerleader thingy and they got through but not before the Hoff made his first Knight Rider reference.
MKB – dance troupe with a cute kid called Luigi at the front. They also got through, what a surprise.
Michael Collings was up next and he had a lengthy back story basically to show us he was a bit trashy (thanks ITV). He lives in a caravan with his parents, got his girlfriend pregnant by mistake and proposed to her in an all you can eat China buffet. He came out in an orange hoodie and sweatpants which prompted Amanda to say he looked like he was going on a long haul flight. Incidentally, it would be better if the camera man could refrain from a close up of Amanda’s lips they’re starting to look a bit ragged from all the injections. Anyway back to Michael Collings, he sang a song and played the guitar and was excellent. Easily one of the best of the day and got through.
The show finished on a hand bell couple who weren’t nearly as interesting as Michael Collings but they got through anyway. Gay and Allan are married and played hand bells along to the theme from Titanic which got the crowd singing along. I hope next week’s show is a little better.