Britains Got Talent 2010

Britains Got Talent 2010 Episode 1

Well, we’re back for another season of Britain’s Got Talent. 2010 promises to throw up so many surprises and funny performances. Britain s Got Talent 2010 first aired on ITV1 at 8pm on 17th of April 2010. Ant and Dec opened the show with one of them sporting a new quiff just like David Cameron. I say one of them as I can’t tell them apart but apparently one always stands on the left and the other on the right. So I’ll take a guess and say it’s Ant who has the new hairdo. They’re on a rooftop wearing black for some reason like they’re auditioning for the next Mission Impossible movie. I don’t think they’ll get the part although being a short guy never stopped Tom Cruise.

Anyway, one of the best things about Britain’s got talent is that it’s open to EVERYONE. And I do mean everyone, no age restrictions at all. The usual judges were back. Amanda Holden was wearing a silver sparkly dress which twinkled with all the camera flashes. Piers and Simon were dressed in the usual glib ways, black and white. Very interesting boys! Simon said he wants to find the  next Lassie. A really good dog act. I think he was kidding. First up for the London auditions was Candy and Cat called Double Take. One was an Avon lady and the other is a housewife. They were showing off their stupid tambourines and were dressed in equally stupid red dresses. These modified tambourines were called Tymbrals. I think they just made this up as I’ve never heard of them. So the dowdy sisters came out to patronizing wolf whistles. It really was quite embarrassing as some old war time music came on and they did a silly shake routine with the tymbrals. Good start ITV! Simon buzzed right away. The crowed were booing for them to go off and they looked a little upset. Double Take didn’t get through. Simon kept saying Tambourine to annoy the girls. One of them corrected Simon explaining the difference and the crowd were booing. Simon said it was a tambourine with Christmas decorations attached. Amanda said they could have been playing at someones funeral and was just depressing.

The Cheeky Boys were up next wearing blue bow-ties and housecoats. I was praying they didn’t take off their clothes as they were all knocking on a bit. They turned around and took off their gowns showing off their pale bums. Ant said he had bangers and mash for lunch and the sight of them just put him right off. They had the luxury of a front view from behind the scenes. They Cheeky Boys did a strange dance routine with balloons exposing their bits for a second while someone covered them up with a balloon. Piers made the predictable joke about their genitalia and said they could have used smaller balloons. Simon made the point that if the balloons burst at the Royal Variety performance there would be trouble. One responded they have spares.

Max the parrot and Irene the old lady with a bad wig were up next. Max didn’t want to eat the mashed potato’s and bit Irene. The crown booed.

Persephone Lewin came on next with a penguin puppet and then played the trumpet. Weird! She had a hose pipe attached to a teapot and played that as an instrument.

Ant and Dec were looking as stylish as ever wearing smart black jackets. Kevin Cruise was up next with a model cruise ship attached to a skateboard. He had awful blond hair, tanned face and gold sparkly shirt. I think he might be gay. He skated on stage and the crowd took to him right away. The skateboard ferry was blowing bubbles in the background. He did some stupid cruise ship medley including YMCA and some gangsta rap with bread and toaster reference I don’t know what he was talking about. Then he was on the floor doing the worm. A little bit of riverdance and oh hell I don’t know what he was playing at. There was a little bit of dodgy editing on as the crowd was going well but when they panned back to the judges the crowd were all sitting stony faced. He then ripped open his ghastly shirt to show off a picture of the cruise ship princess Jane McDonald much to Amanda’s amusement. He finished on Jennifer Hudsons You’re Gonna Love me. Truly awful. He was a terrible singer. Piers said he would go cruising with him anytime. Kevin Cruise actually made it through though!

Pippa the Ripper came on looking like Edward Scissorhands and she sounded Australian. She did some sort of hula hoop act and got through.

Josh Warner Campbell was an 11 year old school boy who did some crazy robotic dancing including a moonwalk, nothing special but everyone seemed to like it. His mum was crying in the back. He got through.

The Ruby Girls were a dance act aged 19-25 and came on wearing short blue dresses which they then stripped off to show purple tops. I thought they all looked a bit rough to be honest! Especially when they zoomed in too close. They got through to the next round. Simon told Amanda his mum goes to a line dancing club. Hmm.

Tobias Mead came on next with another silly quiff. We were treated to some Billy Elliot style back story where his dad wanted him to be a football player as he had trials with Southampton but he wanted to be a dancer too much. Who cares?? He had a little silly mustache. And it looked like he had a hoody on back to front. I didn’t like his little quiff. The camera zoomed in on his girlfriend who was loving the attention. He was a bit cheesy saying he wanted to put a smile on peoples faces. Gag. I couldn’t stop laughing at his stupid face when he was dancing it was embarrassing. It looked like he was passing wind. He then flipped around and danced backwards with a joker face on the back of his head. I really hate dancers and don’t understand why everyone goes crazy for them. I always think these dancers should be in the background and leave the foreground for the proper talents. Everyone loved it, it was terrible. Amanda said its one of the best things we’ve had in the show. Dramatic music, Simon builds it up and votes for him to go through. They all do. We need another George Samson like we need more volcanic ash in the atmosphere.

Then we moved on to Birmingham. Simon Cowell was missing he was suffering from the flu. They made a joke of it showing the public going crazy that he was away. Louis Walsh filled in Simon’s absence. Amanda came in hugging Louis wearing a pink dress this time around. 71 year old retired teacher Michael Lavender. He then did stupid impressions of jungle animals. He pulled an egg out and then everyone hit their buzzers.

We saw a blond, fire breathing girl dressed in lingerie who was a bit on the chubby side and she got buzzed out. Then a dog act and some more strippers. Dave Levalle a comedian was up next and he was a telemarketing consultant by day. He started with a mother in law joke and they all buzzed him out.

Pipes and Brums were pretty rubbish basically just a bagpiper and drummer. Louis didn’t like their weird faces.

Dave Churcher came on sporting what looked like a little Hitler Mustache. His act seemed to be him reading from a book to music. It was a poem he was reading he seemed quite surprised to get kicked off.

Chloe Hickinbottom a 10 year old came on in a black and white checked dress. She said she wanted to buy leggings from Primark with the money. High ambitions indeed! She sang a Vera Lynn song. She was distinctly average. Behind the scenes was her mum and someone who I think was the brother who looked quite strange in a tight white shirt with gold chain, fake tan and blond highlights. They showed a guy in the crowd with a little chihuahua dog watching on I don’t know if he was the brothers partner or nothing to do with him at all? Anyway, she got through no problem.

The next woman and dog act was blabbing on about her dog being her soul mate. The whole thing was a bit creepy, she’s too keen on her dog. Tina and Chandi did a little dance routine that was quite funny, they dog looked like it was doing ballet. This act was really quite impressive. Piers said it was the most talented dog he’s seen on the show. Tina and Chandi dance on to the next round. The best act I’ve seen so far tonight.

Jimmy Ford a 75 year old gardener came out dressed as a leprechaun and acted like a fool doing more Riverdance.

Simon came out on stage obviously feeling much better and surprised the crowd. Louis and Piers pressed their buzzers. Simon announced his name and location and said his skill was to get rid of Louis from judging.

Paul Hunn is an accounts clerk and came out with a glass of Coke. Was this a hint at his act? Well his nickname is the Burper. It looked like he was going to be sick and then it sounded like it. Everyone was just disgusted.

Kieran was back from the last Britain’s Got talent he was the little drummer boy. This time he was back with his mum and dad to play in a little band. His mum looked like she was going to Moulin Rouge after the performance. The group was called Mixed Emotions. They were absolutely terrible, the kid should have stayed himself. Piers and Simon both buzzed and they stopped playing, it was a total disaster. Simon said it was utterly atrocious. The audience start chanting for the kid to play the drums. They eventually decided to let him come back himself without his mum and dad. Why does the dad have the same haircut as Keiran though seriously? He’s not a teenager!

Keiran came back on with no time to practice or prepare. Keiran Gaffney came out to do a solo drum routine himself with bo backing track. It was ok, nothing spectacular. He got 3 yes votes and moved on to the next round.

That was Britains Got Talent 2010 Episode 1. Overall the talent on offer was pretty poor. With the exception of Tina and Chandi it was pretty dreadful. The next episode of Britain’s Got Talent Auditions 2010 is Saturday 24th of April at 8pm on ITV 1. I’m praying for more talent. Hopefully Britains Got Talent 2010 episode 2 won’t disappoint.

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