Seven year old Oliva Binfield kicked off this weeks show with a poem. The twist was that she went off stage and came back on with Lucy the snake wrapped around her neck. I mean, literally wrapped around her neck the audience were getting worried that it was trying to choke her. The poem was nice enough. It was about endangered animals with some BGT tie ins. She got a standing ovation and got through to the next round. She plans to be a zoologist when she grows up.

TKD Remix followed that, they were three Asian guys who did some Tae Kwon Do moves to the Mortal Kombat music. Behind the stage, Ant smashed a piece of wood in two with his big forehead. What a shock he could do that with a forehead that size…Anyway, the reason I pointed out that these guys were Asian was that it seems impossible for an act to come on and not do some Bollywood dancing soundtracked by Punjabi MC. Of course after they smashed up some wood they went straight into the Bollywood routine. I didn’t like it at all and neither did Michael. The other two judges put these guys through though.

Anthony Wait was up next. My other half is convinced he was on Come Dine With Me can anyone confirm? He claimed to be an art teacher and suggested that his act was to paint a picture. Some really camp disco music started to play, he took his trousers off and then a few pairs of underwear and then started to paint a picture on the floor. By the time he’d bared his bum to the audience all the judges had buzzed him out and had to shuffle off the stage.

Then we had the weird act interlude. Darth Dongle and the Princess certainly fit into that category. The princess was a hairdresser and the guy in the Darth Vader suit was a professional wrestler. It only got weirder when the act started. They did some silly dance routine and got buzzed off.

Tim Carr was the next weird act wearing an awful yellow checked shirt. He finger clicked along to music that sounded like it was from Deliverance. He didn’t get through.

Then we had the Underground Dance Company who were dressed up like Edward Scissorhands. They danced around to some Techno music and Louis seemed to like them but I have no idea if they got through or not. Thanks ITV.

Herbie Armstrong was next up and we were told about his back story of being a session musician and never being in the limelight. He started singing one of his own songs and Amanda Holden stopped him much to the disgust of everyone in the room. She asked him to sing a song everyone was familiar with so he did. It went over well and he got through. I thought it was pretty average.

Then to highlight just how bad this years talent us Tracey Moran got through. Tracey is an aircraft cleaner and came out to do a disco dance routine including the splits. She spent most of the time pulling her trousers back up to hide her belly. Throughout all this a strange thing happened. She managed to endear herself to the crowd and the judges for being a trier. I guess everyone loves a trier.

Finally, we got on to some real talent. Out of the Blue were a group of posh boys from Oxford Uni who were going to do a bit of Acapella singing for us. They started off with some Lady Gaga and then went into a bit of Justin Timberlake. The mash up of the traditional style with the modern day pop song worked and everyone loved it most of all the judges. The easily got through to the next round.

Things got better when Ronan Parke came on to the stage. He looked like a mini Justin Bieber and sang his heart out with Michael Buble’s Feeling Good. He has a great range and control over his voice and surprised everyone with the power. He was exceptionally nervous but it didn’t show in his singing. At the end he broke down in tears but he got through to the next round. Ronan Parke has to be the best I’ve seen in the competition so far.

Then we had Ted and Grace, 91 and 21 respectively. Ted was Grace’s grandfather and from the conversation he had with Amanda Holden pretty much deaf. Amanda showed her general lack of a common touch by making fun of him for it before he warbled into “If I were a Rich Man”. It sounded like he was dying on stage. Then Grace burst into song and she showed us how sassy and young she was compared to her grandpa. The performance didn’t end there though. We were treated to some crazy dance moves from Ted before they both received a standing ovation. Grace has inherited Ted’s nose but thankfully not his voice as she didn’t sound too bad. They both got through.

Les Gibson gave us one of the first sob stories of the season going on about how hard it is to be an impressionist these days and make a living from it. To be honest the only place I would expect to see something like this is in Blackpool as the whole medium died out in the nineties. No one really wants to see this now do they? We have Avatar in 3D for God’s sake! Anyway, he did an average Ant and Dec, Ross Kemp and Kevin Webster from Coronation Street. As you can imagine, the Hoff had no idea who any of them were. The other judges voted Les Gibson through though. We were then taken into a Hoff misunderstanding montage where he struggled with the UK accents.

Linda and Fen the dog didn’t get through with the Shirley Bassey impression. I’m not sure what the dog was for. The Hoff thought the dogs name was Ned.

Margaret Austin had dentists everywhere hiding behind their sofa’s or perhaps rubbing their hands in glee. The other judges had to explain to David Hasselhoff what a lolipop lady was. She didn’t get through either.

James Kingg from Glasgow/Wemyss Bay played the keyboard really badly and didn’t get through.

The talent on this episode was so lacking that we were given a food montage with people backstage complaining about being hungry.

Elaine Williams was the next contestant up and she had a vacant look about it like she’s had a hard life. She started off on stage ranting about soup and how you should never eat it out of a can as its full of salt and sugar. Thanks Elaine. She learned this on her cookery course. Elaine claimed to be a stand up comedienne but each joke was worse than the next. She talked about Peter Kay then said “Garllic Bread!”. I think that was the punchline. I did feel bad for her at the end when she lost it, told the crowd to f**k off then gave them the finger.

Another dog act followed that but not one we’ve seen before. Pippa Langhorne (real name) and Buddy the dog go by the stage name of Pip and Puppy and I did enjoy the act. Pippa has a great operatic voice and Buddy howls along to her tones. Pretty funny. They both got through.

Razy Gogonea came on dressed like Neo from The Matrix but thankfully he had some talent and it wasn’t a public crucifixion. He did some crazy body popping moves the music from the matrix and wowed the crowd and brought his girlfriend to tears at the same time. He got through.

Finally, we were whisked off to Glasgow where the Hoff wore a kilt and signed autographs for the crowd. Edward Reid was the only contestant we saw but he was worth it. The camp drama teacher came on stage in his loafers (minus socks) and when the music for Snow Patrol’s Run started I thought great here we go again. Surprisingly Steven started singing various children’s songs such as Old MacDonald Had a Farm to the music. The crowd and the judges both loved it and he got through. I’m not sure what he’ll do next though!

Mary Sumah-Key kicked off the Liverpool auditions and claimed to be a Royal enthusiast. This was backed up with shots of her reading a book about the Queen Mother. Thanks ITV for spelling it out for us. She seemed like a character and quickly confused Amanda Holden for Joanna Lumley which Michael played along with. Perhaps it was because of her Dallas style hairdo? Mary Sumah-Key did a silly little dance while playing the harmonica. She didn’t get through.

John Courtney came on stage dressed as an Indian/Native American and tried a few rope tricks. Three unhappy judges.

Chunky Christine Fraser came out in her housecoat and claimed to be a comedienne which was evident from her jokes. ITV tried to make the impact of her bad joke look worse that it was with some seriously dodgy editing.

I won’t waste much time on Peter Wakefield. He warbled through a rendition of Yellow Submarine which got the crowd going (it was in Liverpool after all) but didn’t impress the judges.

Off to Birmingham next and David Knight came out in a poorly fitting suit to tell a few jokes. I’ll give the guy a break, he was only 9. He had some good banter with Michael before going into his routine which was a bit too rehearsed but he got through so I’ll look forward to his next audition.

The first of the dreaded dance troupes, Joker came out dressed as…the Joker and did an average dance routine that no one liked.

Steve Stevens (superb name) seemed quite intelligent but then his act was singing I kissed a goat and liked it to the tune of Katy Perry’s mega hit. He held open a bit cardboard love heart with a goats face in the middle.

John Hampson was one of the strangest auditions of this episode. He came out painted in gold and sang Spandau Ballet’s Gold. He wasn’t that bad but when Michael buzzed him off, he stood up and stomped off the stage in a strop. John Hampson ignored Ant and Dec’s requests for an interview and disappeared.

Donelda Guy followed that with a dog routine using her pets Mega and Biba (or was it Bieber?). It was quite impressive and she got through. She claimed that she can’t train her husband this well and he’s her only failure.

Bruce Sistaz were two sisters who do martial arts. I wonder how they came up with the name? They did some chops and kicks which looked like a dance routine and got through.

Dance troupe montage. I hate it. Thankfully ITV didn’t dwell on it but naturally 90% of them get through.

Marawa wore a leopard skin leotard and did some tricks with hula hoops. Boring but she got through.

Then about 10 million kids came on stage for Freeman Dance, did their routine and got through to the next round.

Blair Christie might just be the worst act I have ever seen on BGT. He seemed like a bright guy, works as a financial analyst so I can only assume this whole thing was a joke. He talked up his talent at the start and then came out on stage painted in blue. He then stuck a balloon to his head and held up cardboard waves next to head while making screeching noises. While the audience and judges waited for the act to start, he stared out of them and said “That’s it, I’m a dolphin”. Three buzzers went off.

UFO were terrible and not out of this world.

Bums did some Morris dancing and didn’t get through.

Tongue and Cheek were a boy and girl dance act. The guy was clearly gay and so Michael asked if they were boyfriend and girlfriend. That seemed to be the act anyway. Jump around the stage acting really camp. It was awful.

Steven Hall got through but I fear he’s a one trick pony. He came across as really stuffy and dull wearing his suit and tie. Then he started doing some crazy dances to mixed music such as Michael Jackson and Britney Spears. He got through.

We moved on to Cardiff with Antonio ‘Popeye’ Francis who’s routine was to make his eyes pop out to music. I’m not kidding that was it. He also looked a bit like the fat cop from Die Hard.

Antonio Popeye Francis

Nu Era were three kids kind of shouting/rapping/singing hell I don’t know. They got through.

Goldstar Galaxy were yet another dance troupe cheerleader thingy and they got through but not before the Hoff made his first Knight Rider reference.

MKB – dance troupe with a cute kid called Luigi at the front. They also got through, what a surprise.

Michael Collings was up next and he had a lengthy back story basically to show us he was a bit trashy (thanks ITV). He lives in a caravan with his parents, got his girlfriend pregnant by mistake and proposed to her in an all you can eat China buffet. He came out in an orange hoodie and sweatpants which prompted Amanda to say he looked like he was going on a long haul flight. Incidentally, it would be better if the camera man could refrain from a close up of Amanda’s lips they’re starting to look a bit ragged from all the injections. Anyway back to Michael Collings, he sang a song and played the guitar and was excellent. Easily one of the best of the day and got through.

The show finished on a hand bell couple who weren’t nearly as interesting as Michael Collings but they got through anyway. Gay and Allan are married and played hand bells along to the theme from Titanic which got the crowd singing along. I hope next week’s show is a little better.

The first act of the final was Twist and Pulse and they did a similar routine to the one they did in the semi finals complete with the Cheeky Girls reference. They added in a little routine to the Simpsons theme song but besides that, nothing ground breaking.

Liam McNally also took the safe road singing Danny Boy once again just like he did for his audition.

Paul Burling did at least do something different. He sang the Proclaimers 500 miles in various different voices. Here’s the list of people he imitated:

• Louis and Andy from Little Britain
• Jeremy Clarkson
• Graham Norton
• Marjory Dores from Little Britain
• Billy Connolly
• Chris Tarrant
• Del Boy and Uncle Albert
• Homer and Marge Simpson
• Monty Burns
• Krusty the Clown

It was pretty good overall. The only downside was the remains of the wig were still attached to Paul Burling’s head during his interview with the two dwarves.

Christopher Stone sang Somewhere from West Side Story exceptionally well. He has an amazing voice.

Tina and Chandi also did a very similar routine to what they had done before. The only new part was when Chandi ripped off the bottom of Tina’s trousers with her teeth. Piers commented that it was like watching Simon and Amanda. Simon went off on a tangent about the dog being old and maybe she should just let it have it’s bone in peace.

Little Baby Gap models Connected were then on doing their best Westlife impression by singing What About Now. I thought the clothes they were wearing just looked silly and unnatural. They were dressed up far too old for their age. One of them had a sparkly skull t shirt on. Pretty boring on the whole. One of the kids started crying at the end he was so happy it was so amazing blah blah.

Kieran Gaffney was back with the same routine he did in the semi final. At least he had an excuse with so little time. Play the drums really hard, tilt the stage you know the routine.

I thought Tobias Mead’s act was really short? He didn’t do enough to win. He went for the vampire cash in on the back of Twilight complete with fangs. He did some more backwards dancing this time to The Prodigy’s Omen. He finished off by jumping into a coffin and punching his fist out of it.

I felt bad for Janey Cutler she messed up a little at the start which knocked her timing off. She eventually caught up at the end. All of the judges commented on this too. She went for No Regrets just like in her audition but it was a real shame the way things ended for her.

Spellbound completely blew everyone away tonight and were worth winners (oops). They started off by throwing the ripped kid with the 6 pack who looks about 14 right over the judges table where he was caught at the other side. They all looked a bit golden tonight like they’d had a wrestle with Kevin Cruise. The crowd and judges gave them a standing ovation which was well deserved.

Britain’s Got Talent 2010 Final Results

1st place – Spellbound

2nd Place – Twist and Pulse

3rd Place – Kieran Gaffney (seriously?)

We had to wait over an hour for the actual results! Usher came on and did a song and then what a treat we got. Dizee Rascal and the fat one from that show that’s not funny on BBC3 was on. James Corden? Gordon? Anyway, they came on to sing the England song for the world cup. So if you’re Scottish, Welsh or Irish you had to suffer through this crap for what felt like forever. ‘Britain’s’ Got Talent? Nope just England we’re interested in!

Anyway, Spellbound won and were excellent. The whole ending seemed a bit rushed. Tina and Chandi got a bit confused and seemed to think they had got through as they started lining up at the end and Ant or Dec told her to go out the back way. Then the same happened with Twist and Pulse. They were getting interviewed but the crew guys kept walking in front of the cameras as they were setting up the stage for Spellbound to do their victory performance. It was a shame for those guys as they got ushered off quickly!

Spellbound came back on for a final performance. Congratulations to Spellbound, Britain’s Got Talent 2010 winners!

Amanda’s Final Dress

Amanda Holden wears her last of six Ralph & Russo gowns on Britain’s Got Talent final tonight.

Description: Ivory silk crepe v-neck fishtail gown with a center front split.  The gown has Swarovski crystal encrusted waist, power shoulders and hip detailing.

Amanda Holden's Final Dress

First act of the night was The Chippendoubles. I like most most people was wondering what they could do differently this time to keep things interesting. They went for a dance off theme starting with Gordon Ramsey dancing to The Prodigy’s Firestarter. From there we saw Mr T dancing to Cotton Eyed Joe, David Beckham dancing to the Spice Girls completed with Pom Poms. Simon buzzed at this point. Then Daniel Craig did some MC Hammer, Will Smith dressed like the Fresh Prince and then David Brent danced around to Flo Rida. For the finale, a Piers and Amanda lookalike came out followed by the Queen who said “Now that’s what I call talent”. My favourite part was when the Amanda lookalike, she looked nothing like her by the way, went off stage the wrong way and had to come back on awkwardly to stand next to Ant. Piers didn’t notice this and asked where his has gone (he went off the right way) to which Ant quipped, “He’s opening a supermarket in Swansea”. Simon said he found the whole thing pointless and that Amanda was easy to please.

Liam McNally from New Moston was up next singing You Raise Me Up. The crowd really got behind him swaying their hands in time with the music. His voice was excellent with Piers saying it’s the best singing performance he’s heard this series.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAkmZnFEDdQ

Alesia Vazmitsel did her pole dancing acrobatics routine to Beyonce’s Halo. It was pretty amazing stuff and her strength and poise is incredible. The only part I didn’t like was the smutty comments by Piers and Ant and Dec. Alesia went on a great lengths at the start about how it’s an art form and wants it to be taken seriously only for these clowns to bring it back down to the gutter!

Myztikal are yet another dance group. Need I say more? We had the usual we’re all best friends montage at the start. Boring. They mixed their dance moves in with some singing to some success going for songs like Crazy in Love, Crazy by Gnarls Barkley and of course the absolutely must have if you’re a dance group, a Michael Jackson song. How dull. Apparently God is to blame for Myztikal as one of them thanked Him at the end for putting them here. They did the little hand phone thing at the end begging for votes which I hate. It’s all a bit desperate! Simon said he didn’t like the clothes they were wearing but it was his favourite act of the night so far.

Dance Flavourz are a dance group of sorts. They have the campest straight man I’ve ever seen leading them. He looks a bit like a poodle. My least favourite part was the intro clip showing him doing a really revolting booty dance while wearing silver hot pants and waistcoat. Too much ITV, this needs to be censored. I need to go wash my eyes out with bleach. They started with a Bollywood theme and the camp leader came out on the back of a model elephant. He did a little Ricky Martin Living La Vida Loca and then straight into Brazilian style dancing with some scantily clad girls. Amanda said it was like looking into her mind.

Father and Son, what a cheesefest this was. They sang Wind Beneath My Wings like they were in love with each other. I didn’t like the black suits with sparkly trim either. It was a bit creepy on the whole. The father actually blamed the producers at one point for the song but Simon jumped in to defend them saying it wasn’t fair.

A3 were back with their sickening love for each other too! This time they were dungarees and weird multicoloured jackets. It was all going well for them till they mistimed a leapfrog and one of the younger ones fell over. At the interviews you could see him leaning over and holding his knee but he claimed it wasn’t from the fall.

Kieran Gaffney the little drummer boy was back again…er…playing the drums. I don’t get this one either. He’s good I’m not denying that but is this really a talent people want to see? Playing drums to a backing track? He did some cool stuff with the floating stage. It drifted up then tilted towards the crowd while he continued to play his heart out.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-AA3RVxPC0

Britain’s Got Talent 2010 Semi Final 5 Results

JLS were the guest stars tonight, miming exceptionally badly to their new single.

Public Vote -- Kieran Gaffney

Judges Vote -- Liam McNally -- He defeated AC3 with Piers and Simon going for Liam and Amanda going for A3.

Britain’s Got Talent 2010 the final is on tomorrow!

Ice were the first act up who I vaguely remember from the auditions. They’re a dance group from Rotherham and burst onto the stage in white tracksuits and hats. I wasn’t too excited by the performance as you would expect at this stage! Piers said it was dated and like something from the 1980′s. Even the outfits were dated. Simon reiterated his first point from the auditions about how they should fire their choreographer as they’re not a real dance group unless they’re doing it themselves. The girls tried to defend themselves saying they did arrange some of it but it wasn’t enough to convince the judges.

Tyler Patterson was the street dancing kid from Glasgow, remember him? His mum was on during the little introduction and she looked about 14! His performance was good plus he has the added cuteness factor. He did a little back flip halfway through the performance which I loved while Smooth Criminal by Michael Jackson played in the background. He looked pretty funky in his white waistcoat and tie too. The judges loved the performance with Simon adding that Tyler Patterson reminded him of himself because of all his charisma…

Emile Harris from Caldicot really blew his chances tonight with a bad song choice and even worse singing. We weren’t really shown enough of him from the Britain’s Got Talent 2010 auditions to make a proper judgment on his talent. From this performance I don’t know how he made it through. His voice was out of tune for most of the song (which he later denied) and the song just wasn’t good enough. He looked smart enough in his brown leather jacket, black leather trousers and plum t shirt. Piers and Amanda both buzzed before he was finished. Not good.

Twist and Pulse were up next, or Ashley and Glen as there more commonly known. We were shown one of them working in B&Q? I don’t know what to make of these guys. I don’t know if they’re dancers, comedians or both. They did their routine with the usual Cheeky Girls interlude and got a great reception from the audience. Piers made a joke about it being great to finally see a talented duo on stage (a reference to the hosts). Amanda pointed out how they’re such a good laugh. I’m still not convinced.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbSHiKEk5uA

Team Shaolin were a bit of a mess on the whole. Don’t get me wrong some of the stuff was quite impressive. Watching that kid back flip on his head never gets old. It even prompted Dec to knock on it for an uncomfortable length of time at the end of the interview. The routine just wasn’t cohesive it was like everyone was doing their own thing. Then the melon chopping part wasn’t required it just slowed things down and broke up the routine. I did like the Mortal Kombat style music though.

Mark James, the man who needs a new showbiz name, was back with his dual personality routine. The man from Barnoldswick sang an Elton John and Kiki Dee song and he wasn’t too bad. He really went the full hog this time with the outfits which were very convincing. Simon buzzed him out right away saying later that he just doesn’t get the act at all. Ant got a kiss at the end and Piers said that Mark James was a better singer as a woman than a man. Simon didn’t mince his words saying it was horrific. I liked how his chest was half shaved.

The Fusion were yet ANOTHER dance troupe and went for a Pirates of the Caribbean themed dance this time after the witches routine. We saw them training at the Rendezvous pub in Glasgow before the performance really kicked into gear. I was so so on these guys, I liked Twist and Pulse better. Simon said they were the best of the night though? I didn’t see it myself.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=hffR1-v1idk

Janey Cutler was back to steal the show yet again. The pensioner from Craigneuk came on to the stage flanked by two handsome guys and off she went to thrill the crowd again with her powerful voice. She got a standing ovation from the crowd and the judges with Piers saying she was the best they had seen all week. Simon also loved her.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgYX5CyxP48

Britain’s Got Talent 2010 Semi Final 4 Results

Miley Cyrus was the guest star whoring it up in stockings and high heeled boots. She was singing a song called Tame me too. I presume she gets tamed when her dad grounds her? Maybe she’s older than I think. She pretended to kiss a female dancer at one point it just looked silly. Either kiss her or don’t, pretending just looks ridiculous. The song was awful. My favourite part was how she towered over little Ant and Dec with those heels on. How tall are Ant and Dec??

Public Vote Winners : Janey Cutler, who else?
2nd Place: Twist and Pulse -- Twist and Pulse beat out The Fusion. Piers and Amanda voted for Twist and Pulse with Simon going for The Fusion.

Britain’s Got Talent 2010 Semi Final 5 is on tomorrow!

Chloe Hickinbottom was on next singing Moon River. She came down from the ceiling in crescent moon and she did a decent job I just don’t like that song. The judges were quite complimentary however.

The aptly named Phillip Grimmer came on to do his Madonna act. I was sitting cringing before he started. When he did I couldn’t help but notice how much he actually looked like Madonna in his purple leotard and wig. The shots before of him at home did however make me think of Roy Cropper from Coronation Street. Anyway he did his dance next to a few buff shirtless guys before heading Simon’s way and throwing his jacket at him. Then Phillip Grimmer perched himself on Simon’s desk for a few seconds before continuing on with the dance. For his interview with Ant and Dec he warbled on about being the first baby born in England after the Coronation and getting a pram. Coronation, performing for the Queen, Roy Cropper from Coronation Street, the symmetry of this story is unbelievable.

Paul Burling was definitely one of the highlights of tonight show. I did wonder if he was going to pull it off when he started off with the Harry Hill routine again. From there he went into David Dickinson (bad), Little Britain’s Marjory Dores (good), Phil Mitchell (bad), Wallace from Wallace and Gromit (good), Alan Carr (excellent) and Simon Cowell (bad). Overall it was entertaining. Simon compared him to fish and chips and he got praise all round.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xP-684Rclg

Those posh kids from Cambridge, The Arrangement were up next. I wondered how the public would take to them? Lead singer Jonathan started off with a Lady Ga Ga song before bursting into rap with Dizzee Rascal’s Dance Wit Me, then into Cheryl Cole’s Fight For Your Love and finishing on a JLS number. I’m not a fan. I don’t really get the whole thing. They do have personality but the guys a terrible singer. Everyone else is just kind of standing around in the background. The girls did look stunning however in short red dresses with legs that went on for miles. They got a standing ovation from the crowd and much of the judges comments were aimed at front man Jonathan. He does seem like a genuinely nice guy, very down to earth so if he gets some singing lessons I’ll look forward to hearing him again! Simon’s final message was to compare them to Marmite and he likes Marmite.

Jimmy Forde the old leprechaun came on next and it was just puzzling. He did a little dance, shouted at the crowd to leave his giant pot of gold alone, then did more dancing while the back up girls twirled around him. This was topped off by Louis Walsh talking him up from the crowd and then Jimmy Forde claiming that he was a real leprechaun before And and Dec shut him up.

Christopher Stone the singing accountant came on looking much more confident than his audition. He was dressed in a smart blue blazer and jeans. Christopher Stone sang Impossible Dream from Les Miserables and showed off the full range of his voice to the delight of the crowd and the judges. Easily one of the best of the night.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTLhZEylexo

Peridot were on last and I really enjoyed their routine even though I’m a dance troupe hater! It reminded me of the Daft Punk video Around The World especially the type of music that was playing in the background. Does anyone know what it was? They wore blue jackets and white trousers. Anyway, I thought they were one of the best dance groups I’d seen. Easily better than Diversity the night before but both Piers and Amanda got stuck into them. Saying that Diversity was in a different league and how there wasn’t enough dancing. I found the whole thing a bit strange and disagreed completely. I wonder how these comments affected the voting?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=px8EXK0pUds

Semi Final 3 Results

Special guest for tonight was Pixie Lott who seemed to be dressed up like someone from the Flintstones with her black boots and all in one black… I don’t even know what to call it. Wilma Flintstone outfit? She was showing off lots of skin anyway including some muscly/chunky thighs. Must be all the dancing. Anyway for her sweaty interview with Ant and Dec she didn’t seem to know too much about the show but I blame the hosts for that. They didn’t ask Alicia Keys that the previous night.

Public Vote Winners : Paul Burling. No complaints again he was one of the best I’ve seen so far.
2nd Place: Christopher Stone -- He beat out competition from Peridot as Amanda and Piers both vote for Christopher with Simon stating he’d have went for Peridot. Shame really as Peridot were excellent!

Britain’s Got Talent 2010 Semi Final 4 is on tomorrow!

Amanda’s Dress: She was looking stunning as ever wearing a Ralph & Russo dress which the guys over there with kind enough to send me a great pic of. It’s described as: Royal purple silk zibeline corseted pencil dress with dramatic frill detail. How about that?

Taboo were first  up, all 34 of them! They did their routine with a candy shop theme, all dressed up in red and white like candy canes with big lollipops behind them. The music started off with 50 Cents Candy Shop (appropriate for the 8 year old members?) and moved on to the Oompa Loompa song from Willy Wonka and Candy Man by Christina Aguilera. All round they did a good job but there was just so many of them on stage! Simon started off by criticising them and Amanda compared him to the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

Neil Fullard the singing doorman was up next. He made an effort with his clothes this time coming out in suit and a loose bow tie to sing That’s Life by Frank Sinatra. Neil did a great job, got a wonderful reception from the crowd and the judges. Apparently he had said in one of the newspapers this week that if Simon said anything bad about him his mates were going to choke him. Luckily he didn’t give Simon any reason to criticise and he got great comments from the judges.

I can’t even remember The Ruby Girls auditioning? Were they on Britain’s Got More Talent? I’ve never really watched that. Anyway, we were given a ‘we’re such best friends’ montage at the start with the usual blurb about how they never fight and all that stuff. They started off their dance routine with Lady Ga Ga’s Disco Stick then on to No Doubt’s Hella Good. They had on black military jackets with Top Gun style shades. Underneath they had what looked like lace leotards on with gold high heel boots. From there we went into Beyonce’s Videophone and that Kei$ha song Tip Top. They weren’t too great and they were out of sync with each other most of the time. Piers and Amanda were fairly complimentary but Simon said it was cabaret. He had a little argument with Amanda and ended up saying her era was in 1952. In their defense, The Ruby Girls actually said, I’m not sure I can bring myself to type this… Girl Power.

Connected, one of the favourites to win the whole competition followed that debacle and they look like they’ve had a makeover already! Has Simon signed them up before they’ve won the competition? They sang an Adam Lambert song called No Boundaries while wearing their funny little outfits bought from Baby Gap or somewhere. I didn’t think they were as good as the first audition, the harmonies were a bit ropey but they definitely have a lot of potential. I was looking forward to seeing them but I found it a bit disappointing.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwqS24KMOV4

I loved Kev Orkian’s first audition and so did many people with the bookies making him one of the favourites to win the show. I’m sorry to say Kev didn’t do as well as his first audition. I still found it entertaining but perhaps he made the wrong move by revealing his alter ego in his first performance. It might have been better to keep it going Borat style. Once the mask comes off the illusion is broken and that’s how it turned out tonight. Simon and Piers both buzzed before he’d finished his Armenian love song for Amanda in the style of Enrique Iglesias. He told a joke at the start about Ant and Dec giving him Louis Walsh’s passport so he can stay in the country and that was also the punchline to his song for Amanda. This was topped off by him missing his piano stool and hitting the floor with a bump. All the judges talked of their disappointment with Simon adding that it was corny. Shame!

Another pointless act was Michael Fayombo Snr and Jnr doing some dancing like MJ. So what? Jnr was great at it, Snr looked a bit tired and slugging and struggling to keep up. But again, so what? Do we really need Michael Jackson impersonators? Jnr took the mic off Dec at the end to thank everyone which was my favourite part of the performance. The judges struggled to get through this one without causing real offence to Snr. Piers suggested he thought it was a joke act and Amanda went on about how tired he looked. Michael Fayombo Snr didn’t look too pleased!

Tina and Chandi bounced on to save the day with an excellent performance. Great reaction from the audience and the judges with Simon saying he loved it. Piers made some silly World Cup reference saying Chandi was like Wayne Rooney. I won’t go into detail about the performance the video is below. Just watch it.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=9b2mf9iBDJM

To finish off the show was unfortunately another completely useless act. Maxxie Oliver came on with his Lady Ga Ga impression coming to the stage in yellow telephone singing…Telephone of course. What a waste of time. He was wearing a red corset and stockings. Simon buzzed him out when he started playing the telephone piano really badly. Some of the audience were actually booing by the time he finished. Simon made a joke about the fried eggs on his chest (which were actually little telephones) and then Amanda made a joke about it looking like her which I didn’t get?

Semi Final 2 Results

Special guest appearance by the always excellent Alicia Keys singing her new song Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart. She had a funny interview at the end with Ant and Dec where I guess she’s been touring so much she couldn’t remember which country she had been in last. Then she had a little banter with Ant and Dec about USA vs England in the World Cup. I reckon she could take the two of them in a fight.

Public Vote Winners : Tina and Chandi -- No surprised they were the best on the night by far!

2nd Place -- Connected -- They beat out Neil Fullard with the judges vote. Amanda voted for Neil with Simon and Piers going for the kids. No complaints about tonight’s results. It was a shame for for Neil Fullard though and a disappointing night for Kev Orkian.

Lookout for Britain’s Got Talent 2010 Semi Final 3 tomorrow!

First up was Threebee who I couldn’t really remember from the auditions. They were a Bollywood dance group and went off with the advice that they should try to mix in some contemporary music along with the Bollywood stuff by Simon Cowell. Anyway they were bright enough in the red and blue outfits. They mixed up the Bollywood music with some Missy Elliot and the Bee Gees Staying Alive. One of them had a bit of a belly which made the jiggling quite hypnotic during the dance. Amanda complimented the Bucks Fizz moment when they whipped off their skirts.

Olivia Archbold was on next. I always think she looks like Amanda Seyfriend except with much bigger lips. Speaking of lips, did anyone notice that Amanda Holden’s were looking a bit weird tonight? It was like one side was collapsing maybe this is a side effect of collagen? Back to Olivia Archbold. She sang that song Kate Winslet did a few years ago called What If. I didn’t think she was too great but for a 14 year old under that pressure you have to give her some credit.

Kevin Cruise! What a guy. His face was golden tonight. His opening footage showed him being Kevin on the streets of Britain. It also showed him doing his laundry for some reason. Seeing him in this context makes him look like a character from Little Britain. His performance started with him coming out on the Fishy Rose boat singing an Abba medley. From there he went into some rap followed by Agadoo. He did a little strip tease through it too but couldn’t get his trousers off. When he did his shorts or hot pants had ridden up a bit high so he had to pull them down to avoid giving the UK an eyeful. Piers said he was magnificent. Simon buzzed Kevin Cruise before he could finish.

Stevie Starr was on next and started off by swallowing a light bulb. He then borrowed Amanda Holden’s engagement ring much to her horror and swallowed it down. He gave her a small pad lock and key and told her to lock it. He swallowed them both. Then he regurgitated them back up with the padlock, locked around the ring. Pretty amazing stuff. I have no idea how he did it. He did a nice little extra with the finish scene with Ant and Dec by swallowing his mobile phone and bring it back up to get some votes.

Tobias Mead came on wearing a black leather jacket, black trousers with red stripes and Osiris trainers. He took his jacket off midway through to reveal a gray t shirt with a Union Jack on the back. His performance centered around a floating ball which he pretended to control as he danced around to The Prodigy. It was some crazy remix of the song though to fit in with his moves. Everyone loved it including the judges.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIgaS2GW-BE

Sean Sheehan, how did he get through again? He came out dressed like an old knight and chopped wood while he sang a song about chopping wood. He called himself the king of kindle cutting. Only Piers didn’t buzz him out which was surprising as he wasn’t even that great at cutting the wood tonight.

Josh Barry came on singing Closer by Ne-Yo. For me he was the weakest act of night, well besides Sean Sheehan who I’m not even going to count. Josh Barry vocals were pretty poor and seemed to spend more time talking about his Union Jack boxer shorts than anything else. He had lots of dancers around him dressed up in Bra’s and not much else.

Spellbound were amazing. The only time I’ve seen anything like this was at Cirque De Soleil and these guys were just as good. It was a fire theme with the guys all dressed in red with red hair and flames on their chests. They were the best of the night for me with the acrobatic routine, it was excellent.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fgp9jINUECA

Semi Final 1 Results

Diversity came on to treat us to one of their routines which seems to consist of throwing the little kid who looks like Mel B around the stage. What will they do when it (I’m not sure if it’s a he or a she) grows up? Sorry I know lots of you out there love them I just don’t get it. It does absolutely nothing for me and I found myself fast forwarding some of it.

Unsurprisingly Spellbound one the public vote. They were the best on the night by far. The judges vote came down to Oliva Archbold and Tobias Mead. Tobias Mead got the nod and he joins Spellbound in the final.

Did anyone have any trouble voting for Kevin Cruise? I’ve noticed a few visitors on the site because they couldn’t get through to vote for Kevin Cruise.

Anyway Britain’s Got Talent 2010 Semi Final 2 is on Tuesday 1st of June and I can’t wait.

First up was Christine Hill and Timmy the Pig. Apparently Timmy has the talent of mouthing the words to Michael Jackson songs. So Beat It start playing and surprisingly the pig did mouth along to the words. It was pretty funny. Christine and Timmy got through the advice that they should try opera next time.

The first of many dance groups tonight. Taboo were a bunch of girls with crimped hair and green streaks in it. They were aged 7 to 23 and did enough to get through. Do we really need Taboo to get through? There’s more to come unfortunately.

Alesia Vasmitzel came on in a greed spandex outfit that didn’t leave much to imagination. She’s originally from Belarus and she’s a student and housewife. She did some interesting acrobatics on a pole much to Simon and Piers amusement and of course she got through.

Sean Sheehan is a part time mechanic and teacher and came on with the act of chopping wood to Kenny Rogers music. No I’m serious that was the act. Even worse, Piers and Amanda put him through. This prompted Simon to follow Amanda out to the toilet to ask her while she was peeing, why she put him through.

Peridot were another dance group from London. I’ve lost count of the number of groups who’ve came on and tried to promote the positive sides of dance groups it usually goes along the lines of oh it keeps out of trouble. Unfortunately it keeps Peridot wearing ridiculous yellow cardigans with their name and logo on the back. As you probably know by now I hate dance groups but I didn’t hate Peridot. They actually did something original for once. The cardies were terrible though and they got through.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0fEsuvn4a8

Then we had the weirdest act of the night. Mehmet and Kelsey were an act known as Ali Baba and ITV treated us to some clips of the arguing backstage so we knew it was going to be good. Mehmet was dressed up like Michael Jackson and when he came out on stage he explained that he was an entertainer from Turkey and had met Kelsey while she was on holiday. They weren’t an item however. From then on it got weird. We were treated to some fairly average Michael Jackson dancing then Simon and Piers buzzed so Mehmet walked off stage. Ant and Dec had to talk him into going back on. He eventually did followed by Kelsey who ran on to the Dirty Dancing music and attempted to recreate the lift scene from the same movie. It didn’t work and Kelsey almost ended up hitting the stage much to the annoyance of Mehmet. They managed to get it second time around. So Kelsey skips off and Mehmet left us with some crazy Turkish solo dancing. Bonkers! Ali Baba didn’t get through.

Peter and Doreen were a nice old couple who were strictly friends. Peter had a great wig on too it was tremendous. They were aged 73 and 76 and were pretty bad at singing. They got three no’s.

Suzanne Bigmore treated us to some singing and keyboard playing with a song called Night Flight to Abu Dhabi. Awful! She didn’t get through.

Stephen Florence came on with his dummy Wellington and didn’t endear himself to anyone really. Simon buzzed him pretty much as soon as he sat down. He started his act but the crowed hated it and started booing so Stephen Florence turned on them. He tried to shh them and then said he’d do some do some decent ventriloquism if they’d shut up. He then stood up and told the crowd how rude an ignorant they were before stomping off stage. He didn’t get through either.

Dance Flavourz were yet another dance group this time with a bit of a Brazilian theme to it. Francis, a guy who was camper than a row of tents, put the group together. Even his wife(?) was in it. Anyway they did their thing, very colourful blah blah they danced around and got through like EVERY SINGLE OTHER DANCE GROUP ON THIS SHOW!!!

The Fusion were…another dance group! AHHH! They sounded like they were from the Glasgow auditions and were all dressed up like the Wicked Witch of the West. Simon didn’t like them and buzzed them out but they got through thanks to Piers and Amanda.

Kev Orkian was the best of the night for me. He came on and explained he was Armenian and was going to sing an Elton John as he’d learned it from a scratched CD. So he sang it like that, some parts fast some slow, some sticking on the same word. It was really funny. Everyone loved it and he revealed at the end he was actually from London.

James and Graham, otherwise known as Father and Son were a singing act who also got through. I thought they were pretty average and Simon agreed but he still put them through.

A3 were three brothers from Swansea and provided us with the most sickening opening sequence of the night. They were going on and on about how great it was to be on stage with their brothers  and how much they love each other. Too sugary sweet for me. They started off dancing to The Prodigy’s Breathe and also got through. They were all crying on stage and it was all really emotional. For them not me I honestly couldn’t care less.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5fnq8Cejgw

Team Shaolin made up the ten millionth dance group on the series of Britain’s Got Talent. What do you think the outcome was? Yes they got through. I wonder how many dance groups will make it through to the semi finals?

Emile Harris came on singing his own song and sounded like a decent singer. He got through.

Nathan Fitzpatrick seemed to get through on his cuteness rather than his talent. We wiggled his eye brows to some music. He had a red t shirt on too with something about eye brows on it, I think it said Ultimate Eyebrows.

To finish off the auditions we had an old drag queen on doing Madonna. He had been on in 2007 pretending to be Kylie so ITV did a little flashback to show the clip. Amanda Holden was in it too and wow she looks like a totally different person. She’s had so much work done. Anyway, Phillip Grimmer was one of those stupid auditions where Piers and Amanda put him through just to annoy Simon. It was silly, he just danced around to a Madonna song.

Semi Final Cut

Very tense now! We were shown the judges deciding who would go through to the semi final as 183 acts had to be cut down to just 40. Amanda was wearing a short black, grey and red dress for this one. This seemed to go on forever and then ITV were wonderful and didn’t give us a list of who got through and who didn’t. Anyway here is the complete list of the Britain’s Got Talent 2010 Semi Finalists:

Semi Final Acts

• Alesia Vazmitsel, pole dancer from East LondonA3, sibling dance troupe from Swansea

  The Arrangement, group who sing classical versions of pop songs, from Cambridge

  The Chippendoubles, comedy dance act from London

  Chloe Hickinbottom, 10-year-old singer from Wolverhampton

  Christopher Stone, the ‘singing accountant’ from Harrogate

  Connected, teenage boy band from Newcastle

  Dance Flavourz, colourful dance troupe from London

  Emile Harris, teenage singer and guitarist

  Father And Son, singing duo from Bolton

  Fusion, quirky dance troupe from Glasgow

  Ice, dance troupe from London

  Janey Cutler, 80-year-old singer from Lanarkshire

  Jimmy Ford, ‘leprechaun’ dancer from Ireland

  Josh Barry, 16-year-old singer from London

  Kevin Cruse, comedy singer from London

  Kev Orkian, singer/pianist, from North London

  Kieran Gaffney, teenage drummer

  Liam McNally, 14-year-old singer from Manchester

  Mark James, Renee and Renato impersonator

  Maxxie Oliver, Lady Gaga impersonator

  Michael Fayombo Snr and Jnr, Michael Jackson tribute act, from Hounslow

  Myztikal, singing dance troupe from London

  Neil Fullard, the ‘singing doorman’ from the West Midlands

  Olivia Archbold, 14-year-old singer from Manchester

  Paul Burling, impressionist from Bristol

  Phillip Grimmer, Madonna impersonator from Manchester

  Peridot, dance troupe from London

  The Ruby Girls, all-female dance troupe from London

  Sean Sheehan, wood chopping singer from Manchester

  Spellbound, gymnastic troupe from London

  Starburst, dance troupe of schoolchildren aged 9-13

  Stevie Starr, aka ‘The Regurgitator’, illusionist

  Taboo, school dance troupe from Kent

  Team Shaolin, martial arts group from London

  Threebee, Bollywood dance troupe from London

  Tina Humphrey and Chandi, dancing dog and owner, from Shrewsbury

  Tobias Mead, body popping dancer from Wiltshire

  Twist And Pulse, teenage dance duo from South London

  Tyler Patterson, 10-year-old dancer

There were lots of others but they just flashed through them so I didn’t catch a lot of them. You can bet that every single dance group got through to the semi final.

The live Britain’s Got Talent semi final 1 start on Monday the 31st of May. Here’s a full listing of when Britain’s Got Talent the semi finals will be shown on ITV1:

Semi Final Show times:
Monday – 19.30-21.00 and 21.30-22.00
Tuesday -- 19.30-21.00 and 21.30-22.00
Wednesday -- 19.30-21.00 and 21.30-22.00
Thursday -- 19.30-21.00 and 21.30-22.00
Friday -- 19.30-21.00 and 21.30-22.00

Saturday Grand Final -- 19.30 – 22.00

The first act up was a Michael Jackson double act called Michael Fayombo Snr and Michael Fayombo Jnr. Yes a father and son combination. They basically just danced along in the style of Michael Jackson to one of his songs. I wasn’t too impressed but they got through, gold jackets and all. The dad was 38 and the son was 14 and off they go to the next round.

I think the next part was put in to annoy me. A breakdown of lots of dance acts who all got through. I’m going to go for it next year and do the Macarena to see if that’s enough to get me through. From what I’ve seen so far it would be. Three Bee were a Bollywood dance group who predictably danced along to the Slumdog Millionaire theme tune. Wow. But guess what? They got through. They did look pretty colourful however in their pink and orange outfits. Three Bee got through to the next round.

The next dance group was Starbust who were lots of kids dressed up in funny costumes. I think they got through because they were cute, basically a bunch of girls aged 9 to 13 dancing around the stage. Simon said they were like a dancing box of quality street and also said that they had to update their routines. The choreographer then came out on to the stage and Simon pretended he’d just been complimenting her. One of the little girls said they’d like to spend the prize money on upgrading the toilets of the dance hall they use as it was smelly which was pretty funny. They also got through.

Tyler Patterson was the last dance act on (thank God). I think they switched back to the Glasgow auditions without saying as this kid was Scottish and came on wearing a funny ear flap hat. Tyler Patterson was 9 and did some street dancing and of course he got through.

Back to the Birmingham auditions and Louis Walsh was filling for Simon again. Julie Watkins was on next and came on wearing a long red dress with white pearls. She was one of those people who come on moaning about how much they hate their job and want to be a star. I always wonder how awkward it is going back there on Monday when they fail miserable on stage. Julie Watkins will have to go back to her cleaner job in the police station anyway as she was pretty terrible and if I’m totally honest a little scary. She pulled all sorts of scary faces when she was singing and it was enough for judge Amanda Holden to label her as quite threatening and aggressive. Louis compared her to something from the Exorcist and unsurprisingly she didn’t get through.

David Loh was a 50 year old Chef who had decided to call himself the ‘Melon Man’. You know this isn’t going to go well right? Well it didn’t. His skill was carving things into melons. He carved what he claimed was a fish into one melon but it didn’t look like anything. He didn’t get through.

Dave Jay was a juggler who ate a lemon and egg while he was juggling. That was pretty much it. He didn’t get through either.

Dave Thompson was a 67 year old admin worker who claimed to be a stand up comedian. He told a joke about a woman with lipstick on her head and not being able to make her mind up. It bombed and he got buzzed off.

Neil Fullard restored some pride by giving an excellent rendition of Come Fly With Me. Neil Fullard is a 42 year old doorman who hadn’t sung in front of an audience before but he was good and got a standing ovation from the crowd. His doorman mates were supporting from the sides and were pretty funny hanging around with Ant and Dec. They had names like Simo and Flexi. Piers told him he has to improve his appearance and dress sense as well as his self confidence but complimented his voice. The other judges were in agreement and Neil Fullard got through.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWUi4MH1Phg

Corey Sean was up next in a horrible yellow and black checked shirt with matching hat. We were getting one of the hard luck stories about how dance has saved him from his troubled life blah blah you know the drill. Anyway he came on stage and the cameras panned to the judges shocked faces. I thought it was because of his ugly shirt but no, he was actually a Beyonce impersonator. or Beyonce impershonist as he called it. He wore knee high black boots and a skin tight black cat suit. He danced around like an idiot to Single Ladies by Beyonce and unbelievably got through thanks to Louis and Amanda. He was terrible. Amanda asked about his boots and he told her got them in Primark for £12. I don’t understand the point of putting impersonators through either. You might end up with the real Beyonce playing in front of the queen so where exactly does an impersonator fit into this?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=onuNy7pb5NU

Back to Manchester with 50 year old accountant James Shields. He looked like an accountant with his neatly trimmed ginger hair, awful big specs straight from the 1980′s and stuffy dress sense. Simon seemed to give him a bit of a hard time at the start pretending to mishear his age as 15 and then asking James Shields if he ‘Plays with it every day’ to the amusement of the crowd. Amanda buzzed James halfway through and you could see he got a fright as the piece he played on the clarinet was pretty quiet. Simon told her she was a disgrace for doing it and the crowd booed her. She also got booed when she said no to him at the end. Piers said yes and it all hinged on Simon’s vote. Unfortunately for James Shields he said no and it was a big fuss over nothing.

A few rubbish acts were up next for some comic relief. Richard Barriball played a tune on hanging wine glasses and smashed on at the finale. Three no’s.

31 year old catering worker Ivone Deruish came on playing the trumpet and looked really nervous her hands were shaking as she played. The interview at the start was funny as she gave short sharp answers to Simon. She didn’t get through.

Spoiled brat Matilda Myska, 16 came on to play the piano but couldn’t really and was buzzed off. She looked like a bit of a goth and had a serious attitude problem. Matildo Myska blamed the piano and said they shouldn’t judge her as she’s in the middle of doing her diploma. I’m not sure what that’s got to do with anything? Simon then called her spoiled.

Last but not least Liam McNallly was on at the Manchester auditions. He was 14 and claimed to wake up in the morning singing. Liam McNally sang Oh Danny Boy in a really high pitched operatic style and thrilled the crowd and judges. Piers said he was actually a main contender to win Britain’s Got Talent 2010. Simon said he was a fantastic singer but warned that because of his age he’ll only have that voice for 6 to 9 months more so he’d better enjoy it. Liam McNally was a nice way to end the show as he got through to the next round.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=_kgUGwpAAhs

Britain’s Got Talent 2010 episode 7 is back next week and it’s the first semi final!