Britains Got Talent 2010

Britains Got Talent 2010 Episode 3

Britains Got Talent 2010 Episode 3 aired on May 1st. Tonight the show covered the auditions from Newcastle. Amanda Holden looked really smart in a long black jacket. Simon had his Top Gun style shades on, very retro Simon!

First off were about 100 girls in a dance group dressed like Las Vegas show girls. The ages started at 10 and up which was a bit weird considering the skimpy outfits. Ant and Dec were annoying me from the start it seemed like their accents got even stronger because they were back home. I still don’t like Ant’s stupid haircut. So the girls lined up shoeless and ranging in shades of fake tan. Simon started off by making fun of their accents pretending not to understand the name of the group. A.K.A was the official name of this dance group. The gold sequined outfits were messing up my TV and my eyes. We need Britains Got Talent in HD to handle this kind of stuff. The routine was quite energetic with some flips and dancing to a Tina Turner song. Simon agreed with me! He said it was insane and it was giving him a headache. I was blaming my TV but I guess it was like that in person too. After Simon’s criticism he still put them through along with the other two muppet judges.

Greg Snowdon was up next for one of the funny quick auditions. Piers asked him his age he responded then asked Piers the same question much to the delight of the crowd. Greg Snowdon then did some crazy and painful looking dance. He looked totally perplexed at Simon’s harsh words. He didn’t get through.

Nicola Howe tried to be a comedienne but the joke was on her and her terrible material. The joke went like this: I had a typical type of upbringing where my dad would go window cleaning and end up turning up three days later still drunk and wearing no shoes. She also had some crazy costume on which was like a black suit with orange hand prints on it. On a side not it was at this point in the show where it is pretty obvious that Amanda Holden has had collagen in her lips. I know she posted that twitter picture last week denying it but its as plain as the….lips on her face? Amanda Holden has had collagen in her lips and I don’t care what she says about it!

Then Gary the transvestite came out who was about 7ft tall. Gary Manson had a huge red wig and multicolored dress on and started singing. The judges buzzed right away. Simon said it was horrendous.

We were then shown a little montage of bad magicians who’ve been on the show. Clive and Claire were up next and initially I thought they were father and daughter. They seemed very confident in the routine. Clive is a magician and explained to Simon that they actually met when Clive was doing a magic show. They are now married! Gross! There were quite a few murmurs in the crowd at this one. Flute Magic was the name of the act. Claire couldn’t play the flute to be honest it was terrible. Simon buzzed right away. The tricks on display were pretty old too all things I’ve seen before. Making doves appear from different objects. The girl was really grating with the flute now and thankfully the act stopped. Simon was cruel to Claire. Simon said the act doesn’t go together and it was like eating a banana and tomato at the same time. Piers unbelievably said yes and so did Amanda. What is the point of this? They obviously don’t have any talent!! I think sometimes they just vote against Simon to make them feel like they actually have some power on the show.

Beth and Emily Moorby were identical twins who did gymnastics and were contortionists. They both got through to the next round.

Georgia Overton was a singer who looked a bit like Miley Cyrus. She sang Nina Simeone’s Feeling Good and the crowd seemed to love her. The judges liked her too and she got through to the next round.

Bionik Funk came out in a blue and yellow t shirt with stupid shades and one of those pointless scarves. As you probably know by now I hate dance acts and I hated these guys. The crowd were easily pleased and they also got through. They were crap! Simon actually said Newcastle’s got talent after these guys! What the hell??

Then Justin Bieber linked us into a little boy band called Connected. They’re called this because they’re all related. They were pretty funny with their highlights and funny little suits. Earrings and hair gel everywhere. There was five of them in total. They were ages from 13 to 15 and were put together themselves and their mums. These boys couldn’t really lose as the crowd got behind them right away. They sang Backstreets Boys I want it that way and weren’t too bad. They came complete with dance routine. Simon said they were good but he said they were about 15 years out of date with this act and he wanted them to come out and show him something new. Amanda Holden then jumped in saying oh I couldn’t disagree more as if anyone cared. But then this is her chance to play up to the crowd. Conveniently they had another song ready to sing. For whatever reason they decided to sing another ancient song to show how relevant they were. They sang Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell’s Aint No Mountain High Enough. That wasn’t really what Simon was looking for was it? Simon singled out Harry from the band and said he has a really good voice and wasn’t being used enough. All the judges said yes so they got through which was no great surprise. Queue tears and a cheeky wink from Simon.

Then it was a trip to Manchester to see if there was any talent there.

Jeff Darbyshire is a 41 year old fork lift truck driver. He seemed to have a broken nose and was very nasally and had his nose bandaged up. He had Jeff on the back of his head in glitter. He explained that he needed an operation to stop him snoring as his partner was sick of it. He said he was going to sing so Piers asked if this was going to effect his singing to which he replied oh no don’t worry. Jeff Darbyshire then proceeded to take off his clothes except for a thong with an elephant covering up his penis and two red nipple tassels. The best bit was when Nelly the Elephant started up in the background and he skipped his way around the stage using skipping ropes. Needless to say the judges buzzed him out pretty quickly. The crowd loved it! He got three no’s and then patted his bum to the crowd on the way off the stage.

Oliva Archibold was a 14 year old with a lisp which I don’t know if that was down to her braces or not. She looked pretty nervous beforehand. Amanda was wearing a red dress for this one. She sang In the Arms of an Angel by Sarah McLachlan. She was pretty much note perfect (you couldn’t really hear the lisp too much). Her sisters and family looked on in the background they all looked like they go to the same hairdressers. She looked a bit like Amanda Seyfried except not quite grown into her face yet. Simon seemed really impressed and they she started crying on stage from the nerves. And I guess the happiness from all the praise. She got through and was easily the best of the night.

Ruth and Chantelle were up next and are called Different Dreams They were 16 and 18 (allegedly) they look much older. They were both plus sized ladies too. They said that they rehearse at Chantelles house since her mum is deaf. They were dressed all in black like some chubby goths. Simon looked shocked at their age too. They both look in their 40′s. Chantelle was pretty good but Ruth was too nervous and hit a few bum notes. I’m not sure what song they sang it’s not one I’ve heard before. I think it’s I know him so well by Elaine Paige and Barbara Dickson. I thought Amanda Holden was a bit blunt with Ruth saying she couldn’t sing they girl just looked so nervous. Only Simon can get away with this kind of comment as I have respect for him. What has Amanda Holden done in the world to think she can criticise people like this, especially a 16 year old girl who’s obviously suffering from self confidence issues as it is? We can’t all go for cosmetic surgery procedures to make ourselves feel better like you Amanda. I felt really bad for them as they broke down on stage. Anyway they asked Chantelle to sing the song herself and she dedicated it to Ruth. Ruth shuffled off into Dec’s arms to have a good cry. In the end she kind of lost it but she was still decent. Simon said no, Piers said yes and Amanda also said no. Ruth came back out on stage to hug her friend. I thought after all that they’d put her through but no and their dream was over.

What will Britains Got Talent 2010 auditions Episode 4 bring? Find out next week and don’t forget to catch the repeats tomorrow on ITV2 if you missed this episode.